Happy Valentine's Day

I really didn’t think it would take me so many years to finally feel comfortable in my own skin.  At the age of 33 (soon to be 34) I am starting to do just that.  I don’t know if it’s ridiculous or awe inspiring.  In my brain it seems that this process should have taken place sometime when I was in my late teens, early 20s but it didn’t.  The spark didn’t even come until I was almost thirty.  That actually what it was, a spark that smoldered for the last few years until just this last year where it grew into a huge flame.  I look at myself now and think finally, there is the beautiful person I’d been wishing for.  I now believe I can have anything and that just because I don’t fit into a certain category of conventional size and beauty doesn’t make me any less worthy.  Right now I am unemployed.  I am without a job and living in an area where the unemployment is so high it’s ridiculous.  There is nothing for a pastry chef like myself here but because I am unable to move I have decided to make my own employment.  I have always wished for a job that I loved to do but didn’t believe I deserved that because my employment history is shotty at best.  I mean, only people who have worked for a long time and paid their dues were allowed the blessings of doing what they loved.  Who said that was a rule?  I plan on working on what makes me happy and as I work I know the opportunities will arise in which I can put forth what I love to do.  I believe it in and it’s that simple.  It is my responsibility to love myself and do what makes me happy in order to live a fulfilled life.

I think a lot of people forget that.  Everyone gets caught up in the day to day hustle of life and we forget that we need to stop and see where we are.  We need to love ourselves and figure out what makes us happy.  Once you figure out what makes you happy and that you are worthy enough to follow your passions then everything starts to change.  A few months ago I stumbled upon the wonderful Miss Gala Darling and her website and not only is she the cutest thing in the world I found her completely inspiring.  Gala has declared February Radical Self Love month and though I am a few weeks late (as I always seem to be) I have been following along with her posts and everyone else’s posts about it as well.  There will be a lot of tips about take care of yourself, respecting yourself and figuring out what makes you beautiful and worthy of everything in this world.  I took Gala’s suggestion to set up a column in my TweetDeck for a search for #radicalselflove and the results have been so inspiring.  Most people I know would find this all to be a lot of crap but that’s because they aren’t in the right place to accept the message.  We all need to take the time to give love to ourselves, take care of our spirit and do what we need to do to be happy in this world.  If we don’t love ourselves how do we expect anyone else to?

I hope everyone had a faboo Valentine's Day.  I know most feel like it's a day made up by Hallmark and all that but I think it's a nice day to share with people you love whether it's friends, a significant other or your family.  I plan to enjoy my night with friends.  I think I'm going to make them brownies.  Maybe I'll post the recipe!

Inspiration for Change

On my many trips around the web I always find things that are a little inspirational or just something that makes me stop and think about things.  With this overwhelming sense of change in the air sometimes it’s easy to set up goals that are so far up in the clouds that no one could reach them.  I did find this list that someone posted somewhere and I found most of it to be very inspirational.  I don’t say follow it to the letter because we all have different areas we'd like to improve and we all believe in different things but sometimes reading over something can jar a few ideas in your head.  Sort of like shedding light on an area that was pretty dark for me for a long time.  I’m often inspired but so many different things and I plan on incorporating a few of these ideas into my life for 2010.  What about you?

2010 : Where did the decade go?

From weheartit.com

Happy New Year.  I am about twelve days late on that but it’s still January so I’m pretty much in the clear in my mind.  The holidays are over which was kind of a bummer because it’s time to remove all the Christmas décor and the house just looks so January.  I had a different outlook for the new year this year.  I don’t know if it was because of the new decade or what but I was excited and positive and ready to meet 2010 head on!

I know, and I wasn’t even drinking.

It's all about trying something new

I'd meant to update a little more frequently then I have been but I've just started this blog so I'm giving myself a little slack. I know that my frequency isn't something that really matters at the moment and that I should just focus on updating when the mood strikes me so that's what I'm going to do. No need to pressure myself.

On my birthday this year I decided that I was going to no longer let my fear hold me back from doing things that I really wanted to do. A lot of the time I have that problem, thinking that I'm really not good enough to do anything or if I don't do it perfectly I'm a complete failure. Such is not the case anymore. Writing is something that I've always loved since all my life I've always had a pretty vivid imagination. I'm good at making up stories and I like to day dream a lot. Since I was probably about 11 years old I would write stories to entertain my friends. Most of the time they were about celebrities and all of that. I've dabbled in fan fiction for many years but I always felt intimidated by many of the authors that were out there. A few years ago I let comments from certain people get to me and I put myself in a very long writers block that I've been battling off and on for three years or so. Lately I've been thinking why do I let other people do that to me? I can write whatever I want and if I don't like it I don't have to show it to anyone. I've had a few ideas come to me this year and I've decided to participate in NaNoWriMo. I have pledged to write 50,000 words in the month of November and after I did this I promptly thought I was crazy. Fear was the first thing I felt after thinking damn 50,000 words is a lot. Well, it basically is but I think I can at least give it a try. I'm far enough in the game with actually having three different ideas that I could easily use. More than some people from what I've gathered on the forums. I have a little while to get my ideas in order and I'm actually looking forward to participating. Now lets see if I still feel this way November 2nd.